Diegesis

easter vigil post

2007-04-07T21:00:00.000-05:00

my second annual easter vigil, watching the ten commandmants (the charlton heston version of course), blog post.

and with this post comes good news. a decision has been made, a musician chosen, a future will arise tomorrow with the ending of one era and the beginning of another. we finally chose the musician i had hoped we would. i really believe god has led us to this place, the timing of the opportunity, the need and call of the individual, our need and call, and the way in which we have already connected to work together, i am so pumped about this.

obviously nervous that if she doesn't turn out to be the one for us it will come back on me, that i wanted this individual and not one of the others (some more talented but coming with the obvious baggage that so often comes with talent) which will be on me and my reputation.

but oh well, not much one can do about that. can't worry about that, must move on and work towards the future. we are on the road upward here, moving towards the mission god is calling us towards. and worship is a big part of that move. we couldn't have made this decision if we hadn't made many difficult decisions before over the past 6-8 months, freeing up some budget space (i.e. firing two people). but we can't have the music ministry we want without making those choices. i feel for those who need to move on in a pastoral sense, as i know they hurt because of these choices, but i also feel for my parish, and i am ultimately responsible to them.

the light of christ...thanks be to god.

the light is coming, it is dark tonight but the vigil fires are lit. tomorrow the tomb is empty and we encounter jesus on the road to emmaus. thanks be to god for the easter hope.

why are people so wack?!?!?!?!?

2007-03-28T21:39:00.000-05:00

so this musician search thing is crazy weird. one day, we NEED someone open to and desiring to do praise music, the next, apparently the congregation doesn't want praise music that much, so we want the best "blended" musician we can find. Or perhaps we just want things the way they were 6 years ago under the prior musician who laughed at anything written post-19th century and whom half the congreagtion thought was great and the other half thought was an a--hole.

by the way, all these perspectives are from ONE person. who from meeting to meeting has zero continuity in their criteria or desires. basically, they just want someone who will make them feel good about themselves and about their musical talents and is connected to the right group of people. argh!!!!

so we have a bunch of great talented folks applying for the job. which is awesome, but my lay leaders have no clue how to be excited about things or a new future. back in the day, they had a strong middle age male, so of course that is who we would want for the future, right?

sorry to always bitch, but i am so terribly weirded out by all this stuff. why can't people just state their desires and stop worrying always about what others want? to claim that they have answered the call of leadership and that means they have to make some choices.

so perhaps i chose the wrong leaders? well, that isn't worth thinking about too much, since they are the folks who are there. we go forward, and again it will come down to my decision and my credibility. such is life, especially at dmlc. but hey, at least i will get the staff i want for a change. so at least that is a good option right?

thank god it really isn't about me. but about our god who can make a valley of dry bones live. even the valley on s.main in cooney.

all over the place

2007-03-22T14:05:00.000-05:00

so i feel like for the past few months i have, and the cong. as well, been all over the place. partly led by the holy spirit in exciting directions, but also hopping from one issue to the next, one crisis to the next, one funeral to the next with no real vision or plan for the future. we keep having to say, well when we get so in so in place, or when we have our money together or when we have enough time or when we have enough volunteers etc... but for now we have to deal with the 200 people coming to the funeral luncheon and apparently this week we are doing communion with little cups and, oh yeah, or organist resigned effective easter so who will fill in. makes it very hard to plan.

the good news is that by the end of may we will have some serious personnel issues out of the way.(a good sign the holy spirit is involved is that we keep being presented with opportunities we wouldn't have expected) hopefully we will have a permanent musician in place (my word they are expensive!!!), our youth guy will be gone and we can start to move forward. we need a little stasis here for a while. and the scary thing is, if i am feeling it, then i can only imagine how wacked out this makes the rest of the staff.

see they all HATE change, unless they are in control of it. typical baby boomers. they love change when it is there idea but when others are guiding the ship, they just want to punch their time clock and move on.

got totally raked over the coals one sunday morning by my youth guys wife, she is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed that we are firing him, even though he has proved totally unable to respond to our work with him, goal setting, reviews etc... to quote her,"doing reviews in a relational field is totally asinine." Ok, so basically if you go into a "relational field" then there is no way to evaluate performance? give merit raises or bonuses? promote people to greater responsibility? help people see they aren't performing? decide to end someone's time because they aren't performing? basically, "relational fields" are exempt from the realities of all other occupations? or perhaps she just hates the fact that she knows he hasn't been living up to his end of the deal...

not that everything is bad by any stretch. we have a wonderful musician filling in for us starting the week after easter. if we could afford to keep her that would be great, challenge is she needs benefits for her and her daughters. and those are pricey. but i can only imagine how the church would grow with a competent trained musician on staff who has some energy for leading and growing, not just doing the same thing over and over. exciting to think about.

and summer plans are coming together as well, have a good group going to confirmation camp. lent is going well and i am excited for easter. but i just can't wait to have at least a stable staff situation for a few months. also can't wait for the weather to warm up so that we can get out and golf. local greenskeeper said maybe next wednesday, we shall see. but golf before april? now that is something out of the box I could really get into.

hope all you readers are well. have a blessed lent, holy week and a joyous easter.

no two good days

2007-02-02T15:32:00.000-06:00

ok, so once a month of blogging is probably all your gonna get out of me. thanks for understanding.

while i don't usually quote jerry falwell, i did hear a quote of his recently that resonates. in paraphrase, "you never have two straight good days in ministry."

so true.

tuesday was a good day. lots of work done, no evening meetings, a workout in and lots done for the coming week and got home at a reasonable hour.

wednesday, overall ok, but then confirmation came and the wacky kid with adhd was having a rough night. which was enough of a pain but got worse because one of my lay volunteers decided it was her responsibility to tell me how i should be dealing with him and what i could do to engage the parents more (she of course has no idea about the parental situation which is its own catastrophy). as if i haven't thought most of these things through.

thursday, good day. lots of work done. good prayer meeting and a productive meeting with the other elca congregation in town about mission and direction. a good visit with a member who is getting towards her final days, not happy, but good. an opportunity to do what we do, face the reality, proclaim good news at the end of a long life and give comfort. And no evening meetings again, so home at reasonable hour.

friday. had a great day planned. short work day, quit early and get some work done around the house and a nice dinner. phone call at 7:45am. a long time member, not even close to being a health problem, collapsed after ice fishing yesterday. now he is in the hospital, 45 minutes west of here and close to death. of course there is no living will, so the family is gathering to make some difficult choices. again, an opportunity to proclaim good news and do what it is we do, but dammit, not to him, not now. he was ice fishing to get enough fish for our annual men's fish fry breakfast. and now, it may become the memorial fish fry breakfast. and you know what his wife told me today? "i guess we won't be able to be greeters for saturday night services." yeah, like that should be our big concern...

so no two good days. useful days, important days, but no two good days. guess we gotta get used to it.

post christmas blues

2006-12-30T12:07:00.000-06:00

yes i know it has been a long time, probably no one is bothering to even look at my blog these days, wouldn't blame them. but oh well, life is busy ok...

so christmas has come and gone and we finally did it, we decided to let our youth guy go after this program year. of course, this has created lots of angst among who...the music director. wait? shouldn't the youth be calling asking why we are doing this, saying how much they love him and can't believe we don't value him enough? no, it is other staff who are now made very aware that changes are going to be made, that by the end of 2007 our staff will look very different than it does now.

the good thing is, we are really doing this the right way. other than the reality of crappy timing, having to do it around christmas, brought on by a January 1st fiscal year start we have lots of documentation supporting the decision. showing how we tried to make him aware of things that had to change and how they didn't. and we have and continue to openly communicate this to the entire congregation, being clear with them about why the decision is made and where we are going from here. I am sure this weekend at worship i will have to answer many questions about it, but overall i have already communicated with the folks who are most involved and they are appreciative of that.

but contrary to popular opinion having to do this around christmas is not a lot of fun and certainly didn't make the holiday any brighter. we had a good christmas at dmlc and k also mzlc, but it is still weird to a) do christmas apart and b)do it without any family around. tomorrow we leave for a wedding and then to ia to see k's folks, which will be good.

but there is the sense of "so that's it?" obviously tonight and tomorrow we will have christmas worship (1st sunday after) but i know attendance will be way down as its new years eve and all and folks "did church" last week. numbers in the pews aren't all that matters, but it certianly helps to build energy so i don't have to be the only one getting us fired up.

also had my first christmas funeral this week. got the call christmas eve morning that a long time member had died. and that screwed up plans we had to get together with a new pastor and his wife in the neighborhood. really hvae a lot of hope they could become friends, but if we can't ever get together, will be hard to do that.

so i don't think i have the full blown post-christmas blues, but i do think i am coming to a realization that christmas and all the attending stuff as a "working" pastor is very different.

in '07 i hope to blog more, i think it is good for me. but no promises...

so now it is the 10th month

2006-10-14T22:36:00.000-05:00

so the last time i posted it was month number 7. and now it is 10 and the temperature is about 50 degrees cooler than that day. and a bunch a crazy crap has happened as well. life keeps truckin' along, football season has started, went to our first badgers game today. what a great experience, there was something special about the atmosphere there today. granted, the badgers won big, which certainly helps, but beyond that there was a great atmosphere that really fed the team and the crowd. it wasn't a huge drunk fest (granted the game started at 11am which probably slowed the drinking down) but a really good natured fun game experience.

beyond the temp, one of my teammates on the golf outing is dying of cancer. fall has certainly come, and the cooler temps bring the reality that life must come to an end. our flowers are gone and the leaves have fallen. a nice visit to northern michigan, to see justin g. and family, gave us a fun time to see the colors and enjoy a bit of fall. but now we are in the midst of winter here. sure, it will warm up a bit, but not for long.

good news is, reformation day is coming, with my first confirmation at dmlc. 15 young people will be confirmed, a good group of kids, most might actually stay involved. but you never know. overall, the second year is gonna be tougher than the first. the ground is laid for a good year, a productive year, but it is going to require a lot of courage to make the needed changes. no longer am i the fun guy (not sure when "fun time" was, but apparently it existed) and we have to make some changes.

today was lots of fun. i think i might actually be a badgers fan. so long as wisconsin is spelled with an i and no with an extra o. damn cooney sports locker.

golf, i love golf

2006-07-23T21:45:00.000-05:00

had our 1st annual golf outing today. 36 folks played, a really great time, and my team even won. we shot 4 under par (it was a scramble format) and really had a good time. i have a feeling though, many of my folks will never let me live down the fact my team won. but it is all in good fun.

we are heading out for a little vacation soon. that will be very much appreciated after a busy july. the national gathering was awesome. a great experience and our kids really enjoyed it. a good opportunity to bond with them. but after all that, i really need a break.

have had 4 baptisms this month. all of a sudden people are having babies, and we have several new families that our joining that have babies. so that is exciting and fun. although some of the situations are less than "traditional". one in fact is pretty awful, infidelity and the like (that seems to also have become a vogue thing this summer).

overall, things are really good. worship is good. the fall is going to bring some real challenges, especially with staff. but we will worry about that in the fall. in 9 days, we will have been here a whole year. WOW!!!

life keeps a truckin'

2006-07-03T23:42:00.000-05:00

the aftermath of the fire has been very positive for the congregation, although less so for the family. turns out the young man who died, did so intentionally. very tragic and also quite tragic to see how people react to this news. amazing how quickly charity dries up.

summer certianly isn't a slow down time. many of our folks are out of commission for the summer, but we have a new energy with many of our folks which is great to see. overall, i would say we are keeping things going, which is exciting. although the summer is short here, and we need to enjoy it, we certainly don't need to exit church for the season.

lots to do. k heads to san antonio tomorrow for the gathering. i head next week. will be a great opportunity for our kids to grow and learn the faith, hopefully building on their confirmation camp experiences.(which was really good last week)

amazing how quickly we are coming upon one year since i started here. WOW!!! what is more amazing is how many questions i am already getting about how long i will stay. i don't even think about leaving, but the reality is that career and dreams will one day take us from this place. but right now, why leave...

fire

2006-06-10T22:57:00.000-05:00

last week was pentecost, the fire of the holy spirit coming to the church, challenging us, bringing us outside ourselves. challenging us to speak the language of the people to whom we are called to proclaim the good news to. a fire that has been set under us to get to work. and then this...

This is four houses south of my church.

monday (my day off), i got a call at 11am that "in case i was watching the news, i should know the church isn't on fire." WHAT!?!?!?!

turns out a house just south of us (which had been split into 4 apartment units) was indeed burning up and come to find out, a young man died in the fire. how it happened, we don't know yet...but we may not want to know.

regardless, he left behind a wife and child. and left 2 other families (which no one in the community seems to notice) homeless. so what do we do? we reach out.

have had an amazing week just doing that. reaching out, inviting people in, to come and use our space. fireman use it as a rest stop, others use it as a place to pray, a vigil on thursday night where over 100 attended, allowing time to grieve, to be together, to care for one another.

seems appropriate for Holy Trinity. to give of ourselves in many ways just as god has given in so many and various ways for us. yet these decisions seem so unexpected by some so close. they are surprised that we would do this. a quote i heard from a prominent member..."i don't think any other pastor here would have ever done that."

well you don't really know. this isn't a typical situation and turns out that the parents of the young man are roman.(basically walking around and asking folks on monday, no one knew if they had a church at all) well that it no biggie for me, the community needs an opportunity to mourn and to deal with the shock. but we had to do something, and basically we may not be able to do anything, but we certainly know how to pray.

i love to sit inside(during the winter) or outside(during these cool early summer days) and enjoy a fire. but this experience has certainly changed my perspective on it. we need the fire of the holy spirit to get us moving. i don't think this fire was the result of god calling us to get moving. for this fire was probably the result of a really confused young man. but whatever the reason, it is lit under us, we are at moving and the community knows it.

thank god for the power of the trinity. the multiple ways god comes to us and calls us to life and to work for the world god has given us. this isn't simply an issue of doctrine, it is an issue of life and death, an issue of how god's spirit and fire will move us to proclaim the good news. especially to those who obviously (like this young man) haven't heard it.

a new post?

2006-05-31T23:05:00.000-05:00

oh my, it is a new post...

lots, lots, lots has been going on since the last post. i have weathered the storm of the college boy fiasco, although it is still latent. i am no longer in a honeymoon of any sort, that is for sure. and we are discerning new friends and alliances which may prove fruitful, or bite me in the butt, who knows.

basically at this point, i don't know what to think half the time. i want us to move forward. i push us forward and encourage folks to run with the possibility. but we do lack a certain level of formality at this point. in the effort to get things done we have probably neglected to keep
some of the necessary structures in place. but it is hard, given that the structures are all screwed up and i want to get the darn steeple fixed before it falls off the building.

what are we going to look like a year from today? that, my friends, is a damn good question.

can we actually pull this off? can we become a church that is active, moving and focused on the mission that god is calling us to? can we overcome our social anxiety that things are only good if lots of people show up?

what i do know, is that i am supposed to be here. for the first time in my life i am really convinced that this is where i am supposed to be. i have had experiences before where serendipty allowed me to have some fun experiences (case in point, advising my alma mater on a $300M bond deal just a year after graduation, and not telling them i didn't graduate with honors, that was good fun).

but this is different. something is aligned that is telling me that we are on the verge of something special. the scary thing i feel is that i will screw it up by being too timid. by not pushing the box to open it up. but who to push and who to care for.

last year, i read a great DMin thesis about leading change in the mid-size congregation. basically, it ain't easy. and this isn't to gain sympathy or anything, it just isn't easy, in the same way i am sure leading change in small, mid-size or large congregations isn't easy. i am just thankful that i read this because it was someone speaking to this issue.

so a post, a ramble, a thought process. life is a gift, synod assembly is tomorrow (oh god, the horror). things are rolling, lots to do, and there is HOPE, HOPE and life.

hey, even Van Halen sounds good at DMLC...

college boy

2006-04-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

us darn college boys, with all our education and expectations. our ideas about changing things and improving. of having expectations and actually doing reviews and evaluations for staff. that the same old thing isn't going to be good enough for the future. that a job description is actually something we expect staff to live by, not merely "suggestions."

us darn college boys...

you know, it is amazing how other's issues get projected onto the workings of a church. how their own sense of being crapped on by life (and by "college boys") gets all confused with the rest of the world and they wind up making things personal that aren't personal. and it isn't even about them, they just don't like the way decisions are being made and the reality of the world. changes must be made, yet they don't want the changes to occur. budgets must be honored, but they don't want anyone to lose hours or income. "interim" means interim. you serve at the pleasure of the council and your job

so perhaps i didn't handle this as well as i could. but it had to be done. we have to show that business as usual will not continue to reign. and it is getting to the point where i can see some of the divisions in the community. between those who want to move forward, who desire accountability and those who profited by the malaise. who gained power in the lack of organized structure, who think that things should just happen the way they want them to. and who cannot understand that there is much more to this congregation than the 20 people they talk to. and don't know much of the back story on the individuals they seek to protect.

but they are all my parishioners, and they are most of all, god's children. and at the end of the day that is most important. so long as they remember this as well describes me...

low sunday

2006-04-23T16:49:00.000-05:00

went to k's church for the first time on a sunday today. was good to be there, see those folks, and worship for once. this was my first sunday not at DMLC and not preaching since her ordination in october, so it was good to have a break. although meeting lots of folks, trying to remember them etc... doesn't exactly make it a day off.

that being said, what is the deal of low sunday? i mean, we celebrate easter, we have this huge blowout to commemorate the resurrection of christ, here the words that we should go and tell others just as the apostles did, and the next sunday...attendance is down by 50% from Easter high and 20-30% off a normal sunday. its spring break here as well, so basically, none of our families showed up. who said it was a "day off" from church?

my sister's church in tx's answer to the low sunday phenomenon is to have only one service, in country western style with a bbq lunch after church. seems to work enough to get them to go...so maybe a solution?

around here, it seems the clergy call this whole week low week. i cannot tell you how many of my fellow clergy took the week off. they were shocked i didn't (although i did take an extra day to do work around the house). it seems everyone here just decided that post-easter is vacation time.

maybe it is ok that we have low sunday,(or low week) i mean, why worry too much about it. but then again, is this our response to the easter message? to take a sunday, a week, off? i would think we would be energized for mission this week, but we are tired. we need a break. no more mid-week services, sunday school is almost over, yeah, summer is just around the corner. something about it bugs me. what do you all think?

the great three days

2006-04-15T19:55:00.000-05:00

maundy thursday and good friday have gone. amazing experiences. new traditions, new ideas, challenges to the old authority and yet, meaningful worship and the message of the cross.

we had first communion for our fifth graders maundy thursday. it was an amazing service, footwashing, first communion, the first time we actually used real bread in communion. had way more folks than planned, which caused the ushers some problems, but overall it was wonderful. i love those kids, they were so excited to recieve the sacrament it is a wonderful reminder of how important this meal really is.

as i slammed the book onto the altar last night, the end of the good friday liturgy, everything went dark, i heard wispered voices saying "wow", "did he really do that?", "did he have to do it so loud?".

yes, yes i did. it had to be that loud, it needed to be loud so that the silence that followed could remind us of the silence of the tomb. that although those in my congregation couldn't keep silence, the tomb was silent. silence, so important. good friday is drama, it needs to be drama, for the passion narrative is the greatest drama of all.

so now we wait. saturday night, we don't have a vigil here and to be honest, unless i had a pastoral partner i don't think we ever will. so this is my first saturday night off since August 2nd (and i really am enjoying it). preparing my sermon and watching a little 10 commandments (the cecil b. demil version).

tomorrow morning, 6:30am, worship will begin. praise be to god, for god has fulfilled all god's commitments to us. the living god has come, let us give thanks for this the day god's glory will again be revealed. the glory of a god who died on a cross and now lives, kalo pasca.

is every year going to be like this?

2006-04-07T11:03:00.000-05:00

ok, so i am officially tired. could not get moving this morning. my wife of course was up and out the door on time but me, i just laid there in bed listening to it rain.

my ministry coach (which is a really great deal btw) has advised me to start keeping track of my hours. to give me a sense of 1) how i am spending my time and 2) how much time i am spending. sounds kinda like billing my hours.

that got me to thinking about the last time i had to bill hours, when i was working at pfm. those days we would compare notes with other collegues and it was all about the hours. how much you putting in etc... who could work the most hours in a week. basically an extention of the stupid college game of who got the least amount of sleep because they pulled their fourth/fifth etc.. all-nighter in a row. a really dumb game, but it made us feel important (and justified the immense amounts of caffeine we ingested).

one of the things my coach pointed out is that in your first year you are learning so much everyday that each hour is really more than just an hour. that a "typical" 8-hour day (don't we wish) for a pastor who has been in a place for a while takes much more energy and effort for a new pastor.

i recognize it is almost holy week, i realize it is going to be busy this time of year. but i also know the tendancy to always be saying "after Christmas/Easter/VBS/National Gathering/whatever it will get easier", and there is always something else out there. so it never gets "easier." and vacations are good, but what about rest at home? we are called (by V&E no less) to model "healthy lifestyles" and yet we fall into the same traps as our parishioners of running constantly and how many pastors out there are physical wrecks.

sleeping in was good today. i feel much better physically for it. but tomorrow morning, have men's breakfast and then the sprint begins again. but after easter...

greeks

2006-04-01T21:22:00.000-06:00

in relation to the text for this week, i had two fascinating experiences today...

first experience: the result of my willingness to bury anyone, anytime. one of the couples in my church own one of the two funeral parlors in town, i did a funeral there on tuesday where i reiterated for them that if they needed a pastor i would do it. so of course the phone rings the next day and there is a family in need.

today i meet with the guy who just lost his wife. 84 years old, married to his wife for 66 years who was 81 when she died (you do the math on how old she was at marriage). grew up in eastern iowa, moved to wisconsin in 1953, basically is functionally illiterate. he is working on reading western novels, but it is a stretch because he doesn't recognize many of the words. after an hour, after good conversation, prayer and tears, and as i was planning my exit, he asked if i liked country music (which of course i do) and he played a couple songs for me on tape of him recorded singing along with hank williams and hank snow. wow... to see an 84 year old cry while he listened to himself sing with hank "your cheatin' heart."

second experience: there were three young people smoking on the steps of my church tonight. i talked to them of course, one was a boston red sox fan, wants to move to boston to get into sports radio. so i told him he should go, and that smoking is a really horrible habit and if he wants to smoke, he can do it but he shouldn't leave his butts on my steps. i talked to them for a few minutes, invited them to worship, and then went inside to get ready for church because it was 20 minutes til service.

what i should have asked them is "what do you know about jesus?" i should have actually asked them what they know about jesus. not to assume they want to hear my "testimony" but just to simply ask them what they know. it would have been a good exercise. something i think Phillip or Andrew might have engaged in. but instead i took the easy way, talked about baseball and smoking...lesson learned.

two experiences, two sets of greeks. they are all around us folks. if only we open our eyes.

always a bit more

2006-03-29T22:49:00.000-06:00

had a good reminder tonight of the reality that no matter how hard you think things are, no matter how busy you think you are, there is someone out there who is struggling with a reality that puts yours into perspective.

we have had a busy week here. a week ago i got a phone call at 4am telling me one of our life-long members had passed away. then, while at the cemetary on saturday my phone started buzzing, a call coming that another member had died as well. both life-long folks, both struggling with dementia, both of which it is a blessing for them to be claimed by god. but you know, 8 sermons in 7 days is a lot of preaching.

yet perspective. tonight talking to another collegue who has moved on to another called position in the elca and has been gracious enough to come to worship regularly at dmlc, was telling me that his former parish has had 5 deaths in the past 9 days. this is a parish almost the exact size and profile as mine, just 15 miles north. the interim pastor is of course working his tail off, and he is just the interim. what a challenge, to stay in that role and yet be pastor to those folks. and for my collegue, to know that folks he loved and cared for for the 15 years he was at that call are in need, yet wanting to respect that boundary that he has moved on to another call. puts it all in perspective.

there are not easier or harder calls. there are simply calls. calls that we have been called to by god and they bring with them the challenges that come with caring for god's people. one of the great things about this blog community, to me, is that we are all in very different places, struggling with different issues, experiencing different joys, yet we are all called.

this isn't to be totally relativist, there are times when some of us will be working more hours than others. there will be more difficult situations to deal with, but basically, the perspective that god is working through us all, in california, michigan, minnesota, wisconsin etc... is really good to keep.

lent is about getting real, this experience has helped me to get real. this is real life, there aren't points to win, scores to keep, there is only work to do and people to minister too, and ultimately the call to continue to discern...

doing lent...

2006-03-13T17:18:00.000-06:00

lent is going very well. attendance at services is good, even had a senior high girl call me today to ask me about my sermon, she and her folks were talking about it and couldn't remember some of the points. they were talking about my sermon? holy smokes!!!

now we come upon one of the great contradictions of our lives, St. Patties day and March Madness. As a good friend once said, this, not christmas, is the "most wonderful time of the year." and when the two dates coincide on the same weekend, it is the "GREATEST DAY EVER!!!"

yet here we are in lent. as others have commented, there are many contradictions in lent. the funniest and perhaps most disturbing to me being the catholic church next door to us here in cooney. so its lent right, so we don't eat meat on fridays, so i guess the appropriate fund raising response is to have an "all you can eat" fish fry this friday. all for only $7/person. lenten fasting???

contradictions, perhaps that is part of the reality of living here in western waukesha. talking about serving neighbors and yet voting down referendum's for new schools, roads and public services. fascinating stuff.

i don't want to like lent too much. too many pastors i know love lent because people actually get pious and religious during lent. but then it ends and we have to wait til next year. so how can we carry these things out of lent into the easter feast? when it would be appropriate to have an "all you can eat" buffet of fish, and it would also be appropriate to give of ourselves, not just because it is a lenten discipline.

things are good, snow is melted, sun is out longer ever day. easter is coming. but maybe we can figure this lenten discipline/caring thing out before easter so that it doesn't end april 16th...

growing up

2006-03-05T21:10:00.000-06:00

am i finally growing up? ash wednesday was a powerful experience, meant to blog about it but didn't have the chance last week. people here actually go to services for ash wednesday, which is really cool, that they get the importance of this day. the reality of our finitude. i agree with k, i am not cool with death, i don't want to get old. while i don't fear death, as i trust in the promise of my baptism, the promise i proclaim, i still fear death because i love this life so much. it is a pretty good gig we have here...

dan's ordination last weekend was awesome. what an important experience it was for me. the bishop was a bit of a contradiction, a bit to saccharine for me due to experiences i know others are having with him (but certainly don't read any weird anti-episcopate stuff into this). basically i felt that he is a politician, not unlike counselor palpatine (we are watching episode III this evening), who will sweet talk whoever for whatever end he needs.

but besides that it was such a wonderful affirmation for me of the powerful, personal and yet totally public nature of our call. to witness him taking those same vows, hearing those same affirmations and commendations to service, was awesome. while it can be personally powerful, it cannot be private as our gospel text today illustrates. being called by the spirit, given an identity, results not in glory and power, but in being driven out into the wilderness of life. real life, the wilderness of existence.

this is ultimately the call, as i told my people this morning, the reality of all of us in baptism ,that we are called to life in the wilderness. being an ordained christian, through the waters of baptism ain't easy, it means being in the wilderness, being in the the struggles and travails, there are no easy pat answers. there are no scholars you can look to to teach you "how to be a pastor" in these situations, you gotta learn it on the run.

so is this growing up? when i was a younger man my coaches used to tell me “when in doubt, fire out!” basically, if you don’t know what to do, do something, don’t just stand there. a fairly strange piece of advice for a young Lutheran, afraid of doing too much, of putting myself out there too much. But a good piece of advice. Talking too much, failing to act in the face of the reality of what we know must happen to us all, the ash wednesday reality, is tantamount to wasting time.

the reality of death is all around us, the reality of sin is ever present. so many relationships are failing in my parish, at the same time i am counseling just as many as they prepare for marriage. reality, it is about growing up. i thought i was grown, believe me, i know about failing in community/relationships, but to see it in the light of lent, in my own community, the one to which i am called to be pastor, is something else.

can’t just sit there, not sure what to do, but growing up, and firing out. repent, for the kingdom of god is at hand…

at last

2006-02-22T12:57:00.000-06:00

finally a quality cottage meeting where we talked and dreamed and people were actually open to new ideas. and i discovered someone who has an interest in social justice issues. thank GOD!!!

last night totally validated the cottage meetings. after a couple and a council meeting where i started wondering why we bother, last night, things went really great. we talked, disagreed a bit and people were positive about the congregations future. there is still the reality that no one wants to make any cuts in the budget despite the reality that we can't really afford to do what needs to be done, at least they seemed open to the leadership making some decisions.

so that is a very happy thing. and the sun is out today and it is warmer, another very happy thing. and we are finally getting close to lent, not so much a happy thing, but at least a purposeful thing.(no we are not doing 40 days of purpose or anything like that).

caused a bit of controversy today as i announced to our seniors at their monthly luncheon that when they come for lenten soup lunches after our noon wednesday worship this year there will be no dessert served. apparently in the past they had always expected some ice cream or pie or something after their soup. perhaps i am a bit to pious, but it seems to me the idea of a soup lunch is to be simple, to be "lenten." so soup and bread is what they will get.

had an interesting conversation yesterday at our text study about the whole Shrove Tuesday, Mardi Gras thing. discussing why we do it, why it came about, this culture of having a big party before lent, of eating as much as you wanted before settling into the fast. i am curious what others think about it because i have always been a bit weirded out by the whole thing. i mean, if you know you are going to fast, shouldn't you prepare yourself for that. and preparing would seem to me to be not gorging yourself on food.

i am all about the party after lent, at easter, but this big blowout before has struck me as odd. like it is denial about reality, denial of what is going to happen holy week.

just something to think about.

half-n-half

2006-02-15T09:09:00.000-06:00

so is the glass half empty or half full? that is a question i have been asking myself a lot recently. how do i look at this congregation, how do we look at ourselves?

as i spent a couple hours last week laying out the lay worship assistant schedule for the next three months (a job the activities coordinator used to do) i realized that in many ways our glass is really full. we have 6 different usher teams, each with 5-8 members. we have 15 people willing to be lay assisting ministers (basically the reader), we have plenty of kids to do acolyting and youth ushering(of course they show up about 50% of the time) and we have 15 ladies on our chancel committee. the glass is certainly half full.

yet despite this, i keep hearing in cottage meetings how no one is involved, how it isn't "like it used to be" when everyone was doing stuff. glass half-empty talk and i wonder, was that how it really was, or was it that other people did all the things we are now asking you to do and you wonder why you have to do it? when you have always been served, how do you know it is your time to serve? i fight it, yet i fall into the half-empty camp quite often.

there is, dare i say, a tendancy toward lethargy in what i think should be our most active server generation. those retired and with the time, who complain of nothing to do, yet rarily show up when asked. and only will serve if someone else steps forward first. our server generation that expects to be served a meal at our noon lenten services, a service they come to because they don't work, when we serve no meal at our evening services where our families with two working parents and kids at school come. where are the active, serving 63-75 years olds???

perhaps i am dreaming, perhaps it has always been a small group of folks, a small group which we have, who have always done the work. but i hate to keep relying on the same folks for everything. why won't anyone sign up to actually make soup for lent? why will they be willing to "serve" the meal at 12:30pm, but they won't show up at 10am to help "cook" the meal. they have been so cared for, everything done for them for so long, they cannot get out of that mode.

we have decided to do VBS here this summer. for the past few years we have paired with the other "bigger" elca church in town to do it. theoretically a great idea, i love partnerships with other congregations. but here is the problem, it isn't a partnership. initially the idea was to do it one year at their place and the next they would come to ours. but then the next year they would invariably say "well, we should do it at our place cause you don't have air conditioning" or some other lame excuse. so screw it, we are doing it at our place. and we are going to do it in the evening, to try to maximize the number of folks who can help out and come. i hope we get 15 kids this year, that would be a good start.

so the question is, will folks in this server generation stand up to help out? will they be the nice older men and ladies who helped with snacks, and crafts, etc... when i was in vbs. or will they assume that since it involves youth, the parents should take care of it because they have "done their time." i think they will, i think it will be a success, but i know they are waiting for someone else to volunteer first.

is the glass half-full or half-empty. how easy to see it only empty. but i don't think it is, i really think there is water there. you just gotta adjust your glasses and stop looking where the water isn't...

something to think about

2006-02-05T15:36:00.000-06:00

the superbowl pregame is on (hour number 3 i think). bettis is on the field and everyone is excited. pitt being only 4 hours from detriot, that certianly gives them an advantage.

so i am torn on who to root for, but this story below really makes me want the hawks to do well, especially if isaiah plays well. "zeek" is a great guy, i am so proud to know him...

No stranger to hard knocks
By Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe Columnist
February 1, 2006
http://www.boston.com/sports/articles/2006/02/01/no_stranger_to_hard_knocks/

DETROIT -- The path to the Super Bowl was different for Seahawks linebacker Isaiah Kacyvenski, and not just because he played his college football at Harvard.

He remembers being temporarily homeless when he was a child in Endicott, N.Y. His dad was a dishwasher and a janitor, but most of the time Dave Kacyvenski was a drunk. Isaiah remembers the beatings he took from his father, and the embarrassment of watching his mother pushing food stamps across the counter at the local market. Even the free lunches at school embarrassed him. Of course, that was better than living in a tent with his folks and four siblings, or combing through trash bins for food.

Isaiah's dad didn't stop drinking until 15 years ago. By that time, Isaiah had committed himself to studying and playing football. He wasn't going to follow in the footsteps of his dad. He was going to win a football scholarship to Notre Dame.

''I made a commitment to myself early on in life," said the 6-foot-1-inch, 252-pound veteran. ''No matter what I did, I wasn't going to live like that. And I knew football was going to be a way to get my education.

''When I was a kid, I heard the '86 Bears beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I heard it on the radio because we didn't have a TV. It captivated my mind before I even saw a game."

In the autumn of his senior year of high school, on the day of a state quarterfinal playoff game, he learned that his mom, the family anchor, had been killed in a car crash. He played the best game of his life later that day, leading Union Endicott High to victory. But Notre Dame never came through with a scholarship.

''I was very disappointed," he said. ''Everything I had worked for. I wanted to go there. It was frustrating that I didn't get a look. But I wasn't going to let it hold me down."

Harvard saved him. He was set to go to the University of Connecticut on a football scholarship, but Crimson coach Tim Murphy called two weeks before national letter-of-intent day. Kacyvenski was dubious.

''I didn't think I'd fit in," he said, declining to mention that he earned a 98.6 grade point average in high school. ''I didn't think I'd fit in with people with a lot of money or people that wore pocket protectors all day.

''I didn't think it was going to be my deal, but it was awesome. When I went to Harvard, I was going to do everything in my powers to make it to the NFL, and if it wasn't going to happen, it wouldn't be because I didn't work hard enough."

He put on 35 pounds of muscle in his freshman year in Cambridge (''I'd never seen that much food in my life") and moved into Leverett House as a sophomore, when he helped Harvard win its first Ivy League title in 10 years. Legendary Harvard equipment czar Chet Stone got Kacyvenski a job as a ''hockey stick security guard." Somehow the phony job title made it into his Seahawk bio years later, and Seattle quarterback Matt Hasselbeck still teases Kacyvenski about his Harvard employment.

A couple of months before he graduated cum laude with a pre-med degree, the Seahawks selected him in the fourth round with the 119th overall pick of the 2000 NFL draft. They told him it would be OK to skip minicamp to attend his Harvard graduation, but Kacyvenski had a better idea. He sent his dad in his place.

So while Isaiah Kacyvenski endured rookie drills in the Pacific Northwest, the onetime janitor/drunk donned a cap and gown and picked up a Harvard diploma. Three thousand miles apart, it was a moment of bonding and a symbol of forgiveness.

Kacyvenski led the Seahawks in special-teams tackles in 2005, and last season he stuffed Warrick Dunn at the 1-yard line on a 2-point conversion attempt to preserve Seattle's division-clinching victory over Atlanta in the season finale. After six years in the league, he doesn't hear the Ivy jokes much anymore.

''My first two years, 'Harvard' was my name," he said. ''It's the stigma. If you're in a meeting room, you can't screw up one thing. If you don't know the answer to one thing, it's over. Everyone's all over you."

He will be the third Harvard veteran to play in the Super Bowl. John Dockery played for the Jets in the upset of the Colts in Super Bowl III and Pat McInally played for the Bengals in a loss to the 49ers in 1982. Jamil Soriano was on the Patriot roster in 2002 but did not play in the victory over the Rams.

''I know a lot of people grow up hard," Kacyvenski said. ''I know a lot of people have difficult lives and I don't think mine was nearly as bad as a lot of people. I think about that every day. I know I had it a lot better than a lot of people. My dad's alcoholism was the worst thing because it tore apart our family. We've all confronted him and everybody's tried to heal wounds."

Now a proud father and grandfather, forgiven for his sins, Dave Kacyvenski will be at Ford Field Sunday night . . . cheering for his son . . . in the Super Bowl.

wedding tomorrow

2006-02-03T23:37:00.000-06:00

have my first wedding at dmlc tomorrow. have done a couple before but this is the first in my "home" space. the rehearsal went well tonight, but it could have been a bit more efficient. next time will be better.

the funniest thing was the grandmother of the groom. can you imagine an eastern european-jewish, wisconsin-lutheran grandma? she has asked me at least three times now if we have talked to her pastor in kenosha (the same pastor she has threatened at least three to four times she will leave and go back to "god" and the jewish faith if she doesn't do what she likes) and if he has "released" her grandson from their lovely wisco-synod church. argh!!! aren't we all christians? why does he need release? and by the way, her pastor doesn't return my calls. perhaps he doesn't agree that we are christians?

fascinating life we live here in wisco. lots more to report, but not enough energy or desire to do so at this point. had a good new member sunday last week, had another experience today with a member who has "fallen" away, but wants to come back. other members who are mad about staff changes (and can't seem to grasp the whole, we haven't made budget for 3 years reality), nad finally folks who are just plain clueless...(that often includes me)

we are starting cottage meetings soon. i hope they are half as succesful as chad's. early sign-ups would indicate they won't be, but perhaps the number of folks is ultimately unimportant, and the conversation is. basically i worry that the only folks who will show up will be the negative 2% who will never be happy. we shall see.

but i will try to relax a bit this weekend. k is away, will watch the superbowl alone this year (by choice, could go elsewhere but why?). should be a good game.

stuff

2006-01-24T21:38:00.000-06:00

we really miss bergie. got email from my friend wayne today who was in the hawk's nest rooting on the seattle team in the nfc title game, he and another friend eric, toasted bergie and dinah with a shot of jager before hand. a very appropriate toast for our beloved friends. basically it just sucks he can't enjoy this victory and seattle's first trip to the superbowl.

so another thought, i am, as of sunday, the pastor of a congregation of 658 members. up 25 since i walked into the door august 1st. now this isn't to be proud or anything, this isn't about me at all, this is about stability and the work of the holy spirit. perhaps with another, more experienced pastor the number would be much higher( or lower?), who knows? again, it isn't about me. but it is terribly humbling and a bit terrifying. that is a bunch of folks to be the pastor of. that is out of my league, so what do i do????

i really don't know. i am frusterated with my staff, i am frusterated with many things. basically, i wish i could know how this whole thing is to turn out. where we will be in 5-10 years and know i have been faithful and wise in my leadership. yet i have no clue. so i am stuck.

ok, that is a bit melodramatic. i am being paid well, working hard and doing what i believe is right, but it still is frusterating. where are we going? how will our worship situation work out? i really don't know.

all i can do is ultimately trust in the mercy and grace of god, asking for guidance and help in this process. i am blessed to be where i am at this moment, may god grant me the grace to enjoy and grow in it. thank god for those who pray for me, and for this community, we are growing in faith and i am excited, but it isn't nearly as simple as one might have thought...

new year

2006-01-09T17:15:00.000-06:00

wow, another year. i always enjoy saying to folks on new year's eve "see you next year." corny i know, but i think it is fun. and it is especially fun as the longhorns are national champs again!!! Go Horns!!!

annual meeting this week, and the funny thing is, i am not really even worried about it. basically, this isn't my show. either people are going to buy in to the future or they are gonna sit around a bitch about the past. and the past isn't where this is going to be anymore. the realities are clear, our budget needs help and they are the ones to help it. i can't make it happen, only they can decide that it is important. otherwise, we have to make tough choices about individuals and their roles. but overall, this isn't the focus, what i hope we will focus on is the future and our new plans. otherwise, why do we bother having annual meetings.

convo was fun, good to see some many folks. but i felt weird being away for 6 days straight (we visited family first). however, although i felt weird about it, it was good to be away, a reminder that things will happen with or without me.

Happy New Year!!!

christmas

2005-12-25T19:47:00.000-06:00

what an amazing weekend. blew all of my expectations awy. to be the pastor of a community celebrating the birth of jesus moved me beyond anything i athought it would. it was a wonderful weekend of worship and even a bit of fun.;-)

thought i would attach a picture of the sanctuary prior to worship at 4pm on christmas eve. we had a nice group of folks who came out to help decorate the day before. a new move for this congregation who in the past had had only a couple people do all the work.

below is the picture of
our new banners, focusing on our mission statement, which is based in H.O.P.E. people have really connected with the banners and are actually learning the mission statement. which I think is the first step in a long voyage towards purpose and meaning in this community.

this weekend, the birth of christ, has been really positive in helping us to focus on hope, that this community has a future and that future is hopeful because god has hope for us as a world and a people...

it is so freakin' cold!!!

2005-12-19T23:49:00.000-06:00

so um, it is freakin' cold here in wisconsin. was online earlier and looked up the weather in anchorage, alaska; and we are oh, about 20 degrees colder and will continue to be for the next week.

now i, having grown up in a warm climate, have often stated that i wanted to live in a place with seasons...seasons that include winter...but right now i am not so sure this is a good idea. not the least being that gas prices have soared in the last week and we already spent $1,000 in november(which wasn't nearly this cold) on heat at the church.

speaking of the church, we had a three hour council meeting tonight. a good meeting, needed meeting. we talked about the issues of course involved in the activities coordinators decision to quit her job (specifically the rumors that i "fired" her), we talked about the budget for 2006 which will require about a 10% increase in giving to be balanced. we talked about what to do with a staff member who has lots of left over vacation and unfortunatly we haven't had an adequate personnel policy in place and therefore don't know what to do with the left over vacation, do we pay her for it or carry it over or what? finally, we talked about new plans for reorganizing our committee and council structure so that our future can be one of hope and action, not paralysis waiting for the council to decide what to do.

still, the meeting was 3 hours long and filled with a lot of tough conversations. the funny thing is, i don't feel worn out by it and i don't feel like i was on trial or anything of that. basically i put it back on them, if we want this staff situation, if we want this ministry, then we better get off our butts and get to work, and the council responded. they are going to host cottage meetings in late january and february to talk about the issues in the reorganization plan, the need for increased giving to fund our current ministry model, and listen for feedback as we continue to grow as a congregation.

and we closed the meeting signing cards for a member who lost her husband recently and another member who made the banners representing the four parts of our mission statement for the rear of the sanctuary (picture to come, i promise). a good reality check and a reminder that everything we do is about people, not numbers on a page, people with emotions and needs and a desire to serve.

things certainly aren't great right now, but they aren't horrible. and christmas is coming, which makes much of these things ok. christmas, when god comes into the world in the most surprising way, aren't we called to be open to be surprised to the grace god gives us in christ. grace the comes, even when it is freakin' freezin in wisconsin (i actually live here?)...

most wonderful time of the year

2005-12-19T11:31:00.000-06:00

it just hit me, it is Christmas week. now i still have to preach two sermons on wednesday re: 4th week of advent, but i am waaaaaaaay beyond that. it is christmas week, we get to decorate the church and get poinsetta's and all that stuff. I love it!!!

of course we have council meeting tonight at which we will have to discuss the fact our activities coordinator quit and rumors that abound that i fired her (as if i have that authority) and there are 800 things i haven't thought about yet, but who cares, they will work their way out because it is Christmas.

also, it is the beginning of Bowl Season, who can beat that. 28 college football games culminating with my texas longhorns in the Rose Bowl...

have a great week everybody.

quit bitchin'

2005-12-16T20:57:00.000-06:00

had an experience yesterday that puts my whole previous blog into perspective. went to visit a young couple, new members, whose son is having a bone marrow transplant to save his life. i went to the hospital not expecting to go into the room, as he is in quarintine, but the dad didn't want to leave his son, so he asked the nurse if i could come in. so i did, leaving my coat and scarfe, putting on a gown, scrubbing my hands and donning gloves and a surgical mask. all this surgical gear so i could simply go in and visit and pray. as i stood there, covered from head to toe in sterile gear, the calmness of this couple, the desire to be a part of a christian community, and the reliance on god's grace, was inspiring. a humbling experience to say the least.

i want to make this place run, i want to make it a testament to the power of the holy spirit to move a community to mission for the gospel. but i also realize it isn't up to me, this is certainly not about me.

tomorrow morning i have promised a couple members to go walking our neighborhood, inviting the people to come to worship with us at Christmas. i did this to get the congregation into a sense of inviting others. i kinda regret asking now, as i don't think we are ready for it, it was hubris and desire for something i will do, but i haven't prepared them for. a hard concept to explain, but i think this community can grasp it if they are led.

well, we will go tomorrow, whatever that will be. then i have a meeting with a couple who want to get married, still strange to do pre-marital even though i am now married, but of course their desired wedding date conflicts with a family event. so what do i do, they want to join the congregation and get married, i need to be away, so i guess i stay and do the wedding. i really believe these are folks who will be contributing members in the near future, but you never know. so i will do the wedding and bail on the family event.

anyways, never realized how stressful the holidays (or Chistmas or whatever FOX news wants it to be and will use us Christians to promote their agenda) can be as a solo pastor. bought trees for the sanctuary the other day, got a deal from a local grower which was good. will see how many folks actually turn out, they are predicting snow and ice for christmas eve...

small time?

2005-12-12T21:27:00.000-06:00

was so impressed to read about Justin's first sunday at Advent. what an amazing thing, to see a community that 6 months ago wasn't even a dream come together in worship. no matter what happens to this community, i am convinced that the holy spirit was at work in that moment. for i can think of no other reason (other than Justin's overwhelming positive personality) that would have brought them together.

so this got me thinking about things, about our expectations for worship, expectations for attendance, etc... i have been stuck in a rut lately of dreaming (i know dreaming shouldn't be a rut, it should be vision that breaks you out of a rut, but anyways, that is where i am) about this community and all of those dreams are about how it isn't what i want it to be. how we aren't "big time" enough. how we struggle with our budget because we haven't been giving enough, how we struggle with worship because not enough people take part, how we don't have enough of whatever it is we don't have enough of...

frosty westerling (who perhaps i should have played football for in college, although i was blessed to be coached by tim murphy, although i don't think i felt that way at the time) once wrote a book called "make the big time where you are" where he talks about his "big time" idea. that we need to live our vocations out, no matter where we are, as if it were the "big time." ultimately, the question that he asks is what makes something "big time" and "small time" and the answer is so often (and which he rejects) other people's feelings. instead we should make the big time where we are by living out of a personal sense of meaning and purpose based not on other's affirmations but on thanksgiving for the opportunity we have to live in this life.

this is so freakin' hard though. we want affirmation from others, we want to know we are as good or better than others, no matter where we are. if it is a tiny congregation in the city or a suburban church not living up to its potential we want to know we are "big time" or at least be affirmed that if we are "small time" that it is an affirmation worthy situation.

since we have started a new year in the church, a year i have dubbed a Year of Hope for our congregation (based on our mission statement), i have been preaching this stuff and i think it is about time to live it. do i really believe in hope? or am i full of it? so long as i think we are small time i don't think i am living in that hope, so long as i am not focused on the good news that christ has come for us, made "small time" for us, i will never be able to make this the "big time."

ultimately, the big time idea is about having a sense of purpose and satisfaction (not complacency but satisfaction) with where you are at the time. not pining for something that isn't but working with proper goals and hope. to live out of the possibility of where you might be one day, but not be trapped by that same possibility into paralysis and non-action.

we have the best news around, that god was made "small time" for us so that we could live in the ultimate "big time" of the resurrection. god help us to live this "big time" this new year.

it has begun

2005-12-01T21:20:00.000-06:00

changes have begun. yesterday morning my activities coordinator walked in the door of my office and said, "i need to quit." WHAT?!?!?!?

basically she has internalized all the conversations i have had with the staff about our financial realities and has decided that she will take the first blow. of course her leaving doesn't get us terribly close to balancing the budget, but it does start the process. however, it was far more emotional of an experience for all of us than i think we imagined it would be.

i am not exactly sure how to feel about this thing. when k's collegue asked me "is this a bad thing?" i hesitated for a long time before answering, "well no, and yes." it is a good thing in that this position probably needs to go away for a while because we cannot support it financially. it is a bad thing in that feelings have been hurt. not only the feelings of this person but also the feelings of her family who are all long time members of this congregation. they are loyal folks, and i don't worry about them leaving over this, but i do feel frusterated with the fact that this staff and budget situation were allowed to ferment for so long. i mean seriously, how many congregations have a volunteer coordinator? certaintly not many with less than 1000 members.

and of course the rumor mill is in full force at this time. this afternoon i paid a call on one parishioner who said, "my sister in law told me that you fired the activities coordinator." thankfully, this person stood up for me and said that the pastor doesn't fire anyone, that is the responsibility of the council, so obviously there must be more to the story and she called to find out what was the situation. as such, we will have to address this publically this weekend, which i was of course prepared for. spin control (screw Bill Rielly) is in full effect.

a wise pastor once said "never take anything away from a congregation." obviously this man was never confronted with the sort of numbers of bloated expenses and woefully inadequate income that i am confronted with on a daily basis. sometimes things have to be taken away for the health of the system. to wake people up to the reality that they have been budgeting and desiring more than they can deliver. to get them to take responsibility for the ministry of this congregation rather than assuming they can just pay someone to make it happen.

i hate this process, i hate the uncertainty of it all. i thought i could manage it better and i certainly have not. this isn't the path of change i would have chosen, it isn't the way i would have gone about it. but the reality is, these aren't line items on a budget sheet, they are human beings with emotions. human beings with a real sense of call and joy in their positions. human beings who do things that aren't easily predicted. ultimately, human beings to whom i am called as their pastor and yet also as their (dare i say it) "boss." i could have done this better, but i didn't. as i stood there, a 28 year old punk pastor who over the past 4 months has said enough things to create so much anxiety in this life-long member of the congregation, a woman twice my age, who loves her job here and wants to serve, and who i have made feel so unnecesary that she chose to quit; i felt shamed. what the hell do i really know...

i loved exercises in biblical theology. we had really powerful experiences in that class and really got into the case studies and i learned a lot. but they didn't teach us the emotion involved in working with staff and ultimately changing people's lives in seminary. not that they could have taught it, it is something that must be experienced.

routine

2005-11-28T16:14:00.000-06:00

k and i just had a good afternoon run. after snow this weekend, it is actually quite balmy today. the calm before the storm however, as it will soon enough be cold and snowy again this week.

after we got done we remarked how we felt out of sorts, not able to take anything for granted, no certainties in our life as far as work etc... goes. while that is good, we are still challenged and that is neccesary for being effective leaders, it also leads to exhaustion.

i just don't feel comfortable in any sort of a routine yet and it seems like every other day, everytime i begin to think i have things under control, another issue shows up BAM!!! while i recognize this is a part of being a leader, it is a challenge as i am just trying to get my feet under me at this place overall. i certainly understand now the wise advice not to change anything in your first year. however, how do you not change things in your first year when the congregation has been waiting for someone to come in and do something. also, if you don't change them when you are fresh, looking at them from the position of an outsider, how quickly you can become an insider and then not think they should be changed.

on another note. apparently thanksgiving weekend is a totally free weekend for families not to come to church here. we had a children's sermon and all of 5 kids came up, when we had 35 up front singing last sunday. very strange especially since they missed the first sunday of advent as a result, but i guess that is a church nerd comment to make.

the finance committee "balanced" the budget at our meeting yesterday. basically, we did what i told them we had to do, raise expected income. so we either increase giving by 15% next year, or we will again be borrowing to pay our staff salaries. i figure by june we will have to do some serious restructuring. as tim said, dropping some of the trappings of a "big" church for the reality we are mid-sized. the amazing thing is, if each adult member of my congregation would only give $2 a week more, we could easily balance the budget and have extra money for benevolence etc... but then again, as k's collegue has said "god doesn't want your chump change." I have a feeling two dollars a week isn't big enough for what we are waiting this advent for god to do.

what is amazing is that westbrook church, just down the street from me. has just built a 1,000 seat sanctuary to handle their growth. now that would be impressive if they were actually worshipping 1,000 people, but in actuality they are worshipping about 700-800 a weekend in three services. their adult membership is only 850, but it is a motivated 850 who give generously and they have no fear. to be honest, i am not the kind of leader who would excourage individuals to do that kind of thing, but i have to admire it and admire their faith in their expression of the church. they have no doubt they will continue to grow, and why not, they spent 10 years without a permanent worship space, without a piece of property to call their own. we own a piece of property worth $1.5 million, but have little thanksgiving and motivation to do something with it.

god, give me patience and love for these people so that we might listen and hear what you are calling us to do. then stir up your holy spirit in us so we might have the courage to go for it...

a good run

2005-11-22T19:42:00.000-06:00

as hard as it is to get motivated, changed into the running sweats and finally out the door, a good run is always theraputic. i was talking to a collegue today who is in a really crappy situation, she just started her call in july (her second) and it is not going well. there were expectations and things said in the call process that have turned out to be not true. and she was saying that since the stress really began two months ago she has gained 10 pounds.

we gotta exercise folks. we gotta eat right or this isn't going to go well. our lives are too stressful and we have waaay to many balls up in the air everyday that if we aren't intentional about caring for ourselves, we will not make it very long.

that said, now that i have had my good run. i have to go to a sunday school teacher meeting where they are going to whine and complain about the christmas program. these things never go well, why don't we learn?

thank god for fresh air and exercise.

budget?

2005-11-17T08:35:00.000-06:00

so what exactly does a church budget mean? basically, you try to estimate giving by the congregation, you try to balance that with expenses, but really in the end does it mean anything?

i know that in truth we should probably be getting our pledge income in etc... before building our budget, but the reality is we have staff people who expect to be paid and that means we know at least 2/3 of our budget before we even begin.

yet again, does it mean anything? honestly we have no real idea how much money will come in because this congregation has not done pledging well in the past. also, when push comes to shove they come up with money for special projects. the crappy thing is we may have to restructure the staff, which will be a good thing in the long run, but in the short run will hurt some feelings.

although i am inclined to look at my predeccesors and wonder "what were you doing?", i also wonder if 10-15 years from now someone might be saying that about my ministry here as well. how do we deal with current reality and also ensure we are moving towards the future, this would be a good exercises in biblical theology small group project...

are we getting to busy?

2005-11-11T19:34:00.000-06:00

as i haven't posted in over a week and a half, the lack of posts and responses from others and in response to moe's question about a lack of comments, i am wondering if i am getting too busy, and if others are as well. and what are we busy with?

yesterday was a genuinly busy day, we had leroy butler come and speak at the church re: faith, family and his history with the packers. we had about 250 people there which was a fantastic turnout and our youth group (along with 3 other churches) raised over $400 bucks for the youth gathering in san antonio by selling brats and burgers at a "tailgate" beforehand. we actually had brats cooked in beer, can you imagine the look on the faces of all those norwegians at Luther seminary as the pastor poured a 12 pack of beer into a cooker to soak the brats?

so i was running all over the place yesterday afternoon getting things ready along with our staff and volunteers. it is amazing how many things have to be done last minute even if you have planned fairly well.

but days like that, when i am genuinly running around all afternoon for a single cause are few and far between. mainly my busyness is the product of one thing after another coming up. for example: i was trying to write a sermon today and every time i got going with ideas, the phone rang, the youth director wanted to talk, the secretary had a question etc... frusterating to say the least and the cause of my inability to get focused.

i think this is one of the real challenges of parish ministry, you keep getting pulled in a different direction, putting out little fires all the time, and you can so easily and quickly forget the big picture and the vision you are trying to keep. i see how things get rudderless so quickly in many congregations. basically, i think this blog is a good barometer of how focused i am on big picture. if i am not blogging, talking to my classmates and collegues, that probably means i am getting bogged down into the trees, forgetting the forest. blogging for me means i actually am formulating thoughts that are bigger than if leroy butler is coming and do we have enough buns for the brats, that i am thinking big picture about worship and music and not simply trying to debate the organist about hymns for this sunday. also, by reading and commenting on your blogs i keep myself from the trap of becoming so focused on my context that i fail to acknowledge their is a world beyond DMLC.

does anyone else feel like that? i don't know if blogging is that for you, but i am getting the feeling it is for me. so i will be better about blogging and responding to your blogs. thanks for being there in this community.

reforming

2005-10-31T01:04:00.000-06:00

my first reformation sunday as pastor has come and gone. it was a good day, and i think we talked about the important reality that the reformation must be continual in the church, that it isn't just a one time event but must always be going on. perhaps the use of reformation rather than that dreaded word "change" helped. also we sent off with god speed and laying on of hands one of our young men to service in the middle east. he told me he will be in kuwait, working behind the scenes, i pray that is the case and he will come home soon. his family was all there, and they as well as all of us are very concerned. lots of uncertainty.

i was heartened that very few people told me "good sermon" as i don't think they should have enjoyed it. it was a challenge to them, to continue the reformation we began and most clearly, to commit financially to the reformation. today was the beginning of our pledge campaign for 2006, which we are calling a "Year of Hope." an interesting day to do stewardship (as tim can attest) but i think it was ok. stewardship, as unpleasant a conversation as it can be(especially since it is so often just about money), is not something that we can just hope will work out, it has to be taught. otherwise i think it will become about just getting money for the church rather than actually teaching people to be stewards of the abundance god has given them. which includes a portion of their income as well as (and perhaps more difficult these days to give) their time.

the "year of hope" thing comes from the mission statement they developed before i got there. although i would have come up with something a bit different for a mission statement, i think it is important to try to emphasize this for them, to get them to claim it. and i am all about hope these days, because that is basically what we have, hope that the future can and will be good. certainly if it can get us to stop focusing on the "good 'ol days" that would be a plus.

so reformation sunday is over, on to all saints.

honeymoon over...

2005-10-20T10:52:00.000-05:00

as of October 19th, my 80th day as pastor here coincidently, the honeymoon is officially over. we are making a change in one of our worship services, leaving the hired vocalist (with a beautiful voice but hard to follow) and music on tape behind in favor of our own home grown(and still growing) worship band. and this is ruffling some feathers of course, because there are all kinds of folks who have opinions, yet none of them came to the well-publicized open worship and music committee meeting.

so maybe this will wake them up to the reality that we are going to be changing here. that i am not here just to fill a hole in the pulpit but also to challenge them to grow and expand their understanding of how we worship and how we are church. that if they don't get involved, things will be decided without them.

who knows how this will all play out, i am comforted in the stress however by the confidence that on this issue, i am really in the right. a congregation should not have a worship service in which all the music comes from a box and led by a singer whose gifts are not bringing the community into song. it is the congregation's song, not a performance.

new things

2005-10-16T19:20:00.000-05:00

is it possible to see new things in the fall? as i was driving up to to big falls, wi yesterday to do my second funeral, i was first, stunned again by the beauty of the changing seasons and second, reflecting on how in my life so often the new comes in the fall (funeral's always make me more reflective, probably since they are basically where the rubber of faith hits the road).

certainly this fall sense of new is in part the result that i have spent better than 85% of my living years in school, hence fall means new classes, teachers, friends etc... but even this year, fall has meant so many new experiences for both me and my congregation.

the biggest new thing this weekend obviously is our new house which we closed on friday. it will forever, having met the previous owner, be known to me (i haven't cleared this one with k yet) as the "attention to detail" or atd house, something that moe can attest is an oxymoron if there ever was one.

but beyond that there is just simply an exciting sense of new around this congregation. sure there are big challenges and issues, certainly things are not perfect and often fall short (for example i have having "movie night with pastor erik" tonight, we shall see if anyone shows up) but the cool thing is that there is a sense of newness and interest, even amongst those who previously were fairly jaded and fringe folks.

now as i have posted before, with newness comes tension and challenge, something that will result in painful things to come no doubt. but this afternoon, having spent it with two great young high school men of my parish who helped us move (in exchange for a donation to the youth fund for them to go to san antonio next summer, YEAH!!!) some of our heavier things, i think new is a pretty great thing. and returning to yesterday, as we stood around edna's coffin on a perfectly crisp fall day, the colors of the season just exploding in the trees, i have complete faith that the ultimate new thing (in god's time, thank you paul sponheim) was happening for edna then. and so despite being very tired about all the new things, i am excited...

good day

2005-10-10T12:06:00.000-05:00

had a wonderful morning of worship yesterday, many people in the pews (which isn't the definition of good worship, but it is helpful in that i am still connecting each week with new folks who haven't been active in the past) and a great sense of energy about the place. i think the cooler "fall" temps helped as well, they at least helped me out.

after worship a small group of us then went and walked in the CROP walk. that also was a good experience, connecting with a smaller group of ladies(where are the men?) and really getting to spend time with them as we walked to end world hunger. with 16 churches involved i was dissapointed that there was not a great turnout at the walk. the catholic parish next door to us(with over 3000 members) didn't send anyone. i wonder if CROP is losing its energy after 29 years. maybe we need a new gig to raise awareness and money for hunger relief.(i am stealing this idea from k's collegue) but regardless, it was a beautiful crisp day for a walk and well worth the time.

then we went to k's congregations kickoff for their capital campaign. boy is it a bold idea, they are raising lots of money for this amazing facility. but as they said, it isn't about raising money for the sake of money, but for ministry, reclaiming this place as a vital community of faith and an example of the power of the holy spirit to renew. and i truly believe they are serious. as her collegue said, "the only power we have over our money is to give it away." boy do i agree with that, and am thinking that line will help me with my sermon this week as i start to more explicitly address stewardship in my community.

all in all, a good day. now we move into an exciting week, but before that, we are taking monday off. really taking it off, we are evening going out for lunch together and (she doesn't know this yet) i am turning my cell phone off...;-)

tension rising

2005-10-04T23:30:00.000-05:00

there is a new input into the system here, and it has created an unstable situation. tension has entered the life of every staff person at this parish, some realize it, some are ignoring it and some are just plain scared. can we make change in a system that thrived on a lack of leadership? that created its own little fiefdoms of power, in the absence of any vision. quite frankly, to quote stephen a, a system without a theologian of the cross calling things what they are.

can tension, which so many don't like, be a creative force, or just a destructive thing. especially in a church system that hates conflict? am i a leader who can use it, or will i destroy what exists in pursuit of a vision i believe to be right, but in fact isn't what god is calling us to.

why is it that so many would rather dwell in the depths of what once was and can never be again? so quick to say, "well back then..." so ready to put the blame on all others, rather than look to their own shortcomings and failings as well? certainly sin is a part of this, the bullheaded resistance to change that recognizes its resistance yet actively refuses to repent and learn anew. that enjoys failure, that dwells in depression.

perhaps there is more at work here, maybe there are chemical's involved. how do i recognize this? and if so, or if not, be both pastor and leader? i don't want to lead a "faction," i want to lead a church, a gathering of people focused on god's word and ready to do something about the invitation which god has so graciously extended to them. that are ready to put on the wedding garment and enjoy the feast, showing it the respect that such a calling deserves. this isn't about winning and losing, because i have no doubt i will "win" this one. but will it be a phyrric victory? in which i will get what i desire and what i am convinced this parish needs, but lose a human person in the process?

i am not tim, but i will attempt a prayer...

gracious host, always inviting. give us the grace to see how we are falling short, to accept the realities of our shortcomings, and to look for the good in trial. god of hope, help us to see clearly your hope in the midst of loss, in the midst of the coming darkness and anxiety of winter. to see the people behind the issues, people you have gathered and claimed, who struggle to unlearn what they should never have learned. help us to respect your calling so that we prepare our hearts to recieve the feast you have prepared for all, both good and bad, as if we know which of those two we are. give us the grace to trust your promises and to hear with a child's ears, unpoisoned by our own desires for righteousness, the unconditional good news in your words "given and shed for you." ultimately deliver us again, as you have promised, from our anxiety and fear into the hope of life with you. amen.

first funeral

2005-09-27T22:21:00.000-05:00

did my first funeral this weekend. among other things (for one thing my minister of music was absolutely horrible and the soloist couldn't hold a tune) it was a powerful experience. thankfully i had actually met the family beforehand. as i had mentioned before, by the power of the holy spirit i had sat on their porch and spent time together beforehand. amazingly, most people thought the service was good.

last wendesday morning i was awakened by the phone ringing letting me know that he had claimed the promise of his baptism. i sure hope that tomorrow morning won't bring any such news. funerals are great occasions for a pastor to make his name, but i can go a long time before my next one...

lest i be misunderstood

2005-09-25T15:55:00.000-05:00

so t (my y&f leader's wife) and i had our "come to jesus" meeting (a term i am stealing from my wife's collegue) this afternoon after church. it was pretty good overall, t is feeling underappreciated and struggling with the change in leadership at the church. she is a person who wants change, but wants it on her terms. and now that i am here, she isn't the one in control. basically i think t would like to be the youth director, and her husband isn't doing it the way she would do it. and she doesn't like her job very much which doesn't help.

but like i said, it was a good meeting, cleared the air which is vital. the last thing we need at this parish is triangulation and back biting. i am a demanding person to work with. i expect a lot of myself and a lot of the people i work with and i am the youngest person on the staff which i am sure causes some issues. but it is good to keep the air cleared because this isn't an area i need problems. the big issue coming is worship and music and my "interim" leader.

yet, lest i be misunderstood, i am very grateful to be in a congregation with these sorts of resources. we have an abundance of them, the biggest issue is helping the community to see how much they actual have. to open their minds to a theology of abundance rather than scarcity. they have no idea what it is like to be in want, but they have convinced themself they are a poor church. they are a struggling church, struggling with their identity, but they are by no means poor.(as if any of us in america are poor in comparison to the rest of creation)

stewardship (as tim mentioned) is also a problem we need to deal with, i had a member bring up in bible study that he is a tither and you should have seen the defenses go up of all the other folks in the room. i see great opportunity for growth here, but i was reminded again of the power of the law/gospel distinction. what one person sees as a gospel message (the opportunity to tithe because god is so good and graceful) is seen by another as a law and condemnation of them, how they aren't a good enough christian. so the law comes and the defenses go up and people get offended.

there are many people in this world who enjoy feeling sorry for themselves. they enjoy being in situations that aren't good because then they can complain and lament how if they were in charge things would be different. these people come out of the woodwork in a vacuum of leadership, the challenge is how to manage them back into the wood, or show them the door. right now i would like to see them just kinda shrink back into the wood.

btw: my harvard crimson won yesterday extending their nation leading NCAA D-IAA winning streak to 13 games. the last time the crimson lost was in 2003.

chained to the desk

2005-09-22T16:07:00.000-05:00

so i am chained to my desk this afternoon. must write funeral sermon and sermon for saturday and sunday services. maybe being a solo pastor isn't all its cracked up to be(what do you think chad). i love the autonomy and the responsibility, but at the same time, it would sure be nice to have a collegue to call on in situations like these.

so i guess i will use my blog as a way to burn some time until i get to go visiting again this evening. of course if i burn too much time, then i will really be behind the 8 ball saturday night.

just got an email from my y&F leader's wife. t is feeling very out of place here she says, not sure of what her role is, this will require some real dance steps. she and the chair of the youth board do not get along very well, too much similar in personality. and now that i am here and haven't done everything she wants right away(like include her in my meetings with her husband about youth issues) i think she feels disenfranchised.

i must communicate to her that while i appreciate her involvement, she is not an employee of the church and that this isn't personal. but she has to understand that the youth board chair's critiques of her husband are quite valid and are areas he must work on. basically i think she would really like to be the youth director here, instead of teaching school.

ok, so that wasted another 10 minutes. back to the tasks at hand.

reality check time...

2005-09-21T18:10:00.001-05:00

grabbed my phone as i was walking out of the house at 8:30 this morning and noticed there were already two voicemails on it. one of my parishioners had called because she was driving by another parishioner's home this morning and saw the ambulance there.

after confirming via the second voicemail(from my office manager) that he was in the hospital ...i hopped in my truck, drove the 15 miles west to watertown hospital, and got there in time to here that the family had just left to go to the funeral home as fritz had died. they had not taken the body however. after inquiring where he was i went into the room and said a prayer over him and traced the sign of the cross on his forehead, then headed to the funeral home to make arrangements.

the strange twist in all this is that not six days ago, on a cloudy thursday afternoon when i couldn't take being cooped up in my office, i decided to go visiting some of my older parishioners. so i made a couple phonecalls and one of my visits that afternoon happened to be with fritz and esther. we sat for an hour and half on their back porch, talking and learning about each others lives. looking out on their barn and swatting flies, hearing about all the tractors he liked to work on (his favorite was Oliver). although his hip bothered him, he seemed to be in reasonably good health. hell, if the cancer he survived 10 years ago couldn't take him, why would we think he was in imminent danger now.

i told esther and the family this morning, and on further reflection i am convinced, that the holy spirit guided me to their home that afternoon. that for some reason god wanted to be sure i knew well the first saint of dr. martin luther that i would lay to rest. that i would know he was proud of his grandson erik(imagine the name?) who plays high school football, that he liked to smoke his pipe, fix tractors, bowl and even played the accordian.

now we turn our attention to the comforting of the bereaved and most importantly, the proclamation of the good news of jesus christ. i am teaching confirmation tonight, focusing on the second commandment, honoring the name of god. as they giggle, squirm and talk out of turn i will try to communicate to these youth what it means to say the name of god. what that name, and what the name "child of god" means when you invoke them and make the sign of the cross in a harshly lit, chilly intensive care unit room over a person who has claimed the promise of the baptism they are preparing to affirm.

reality check time...

ps: that stuff about the house in prior post, of course worked out and while still important as usually happens, seems to pale in perspective.

buying a home

2005-09-15T01:33:00.000-05:00

so buying a house isn't as easy as one might think it was. as justin has commented, there are many things that get in the way. radon is apparently an issue here in the great state of wisconsin. i wasn't exactly sure what radon was until today, but now we certainly know.

so what do we do? we ask that she mitigate the issue, but what if she refuses? do we still buy the house, we certainly want the house. i don't know...

frusterating. i am sure it will work out and tomorrow it will be much clearer, but right now, not so much.

sitting quietly

2005-09-07T22:04:00.000-05:00

Chad (btw Chad, when you post there is a little button with a world and a chain link on it. If you highlight the text you want to add a link too, then click that button, you can enter in the web address you want to link to) has a very good post today about death and listening. I won't rewrite it all here, but will comment on it a bit, so you might want to read it too.

given all the tragic events that have happened in our world these last few weeks, and the coming up of the 4th anniversary of Sept. 11, there are many who wonder what the heck is going on in our world. many are, understandably, talking a lot as well. but as chad points out we need to listen as well.

listening is a challenge to us all, even the question of those 90 year old ladies he mentions is evidence of our inability to listen. by asking, "is the end coming" I think we overlay our questions and desires onto the situation, rather than listening to the needs of the people, or perhaps the persistant calling of the spirit to help one another. (but I am sure you got the answer right Chad;-)

it is like the folks trying to speak for god in this situation in new orleans. why are we trying to talk for god right now, defending god in this time. heard Rick Warren on Good Morning America this morning talking about this as well. sure he is right that god is at work in the people helping, the incredible outpouring of support for the folks there, but the god of creation is responsible for creating this world that can spawn such terrible hurricans. where is the opportunity for the people whose homes are gone, whose families are dead, to mourn and lament. they are immediately expected to move on. So they can't, as the hebrew psalmists did, cry out against god and be "good" christians?

had to stay home this afternoon from work as i was not feeling well at all. dizzy and with a turbulent stomach.

I hate being sick, but as i sit on my apartment deck watching it rain and feeling it get (thankfully) cooler. it is much easier to listen, perhaps to my own body saying that i should slow down. that there will be time to listen to my parishioners without having to run between all their houses every night and wearing myself out. i don't know, but this afternoon/evening has helped get my attention, and help me to stop talking for a while(especially since there is no one home to talk to except my cat, and he tends not to listen to me at all).

first wedding

2005-09-05T13:41:00.000-05:00

did my first wedding yesterday. it was a really nice ceremony outside in a wooded park near lake michigan. (see picture) the couple are friends of friends from seminary and a really nice couple. they were roman in background, but basically had no church affiliation at this point. was fun to talk to them about their reasons for getting married, really amazed at their understanding of the covenant of marriage and how the public proclamation of that covenant is important. i have a lot of hope that our generation is going to do better in marriage than many of our parents did.

it was a really somewhat surreal experience to be marrying a couple that are basically my own age (actually a year or so older than me) and to be preaching to them about commitment and the love of community supporting them in their love together.

afterwards they had a nice reception where kendi and i met a young couple of greek descent who were heading to greece in a week or so. he runs a restaurant here in town and she wants to be a stylist. really nice folks, they aren't married yet, and i have to imagine both their families are getting a little anxious about that (at least that is my stereotypical understanding from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"). was fun to be able to talk to them about greece from our experiences there.

Fascinating

2005-09-04T14:09:00.000-05:00

so we made a tiny little change in our worship space today, and i got a call from one member telling me about how they are so happy (and will remain in choir and can sleep at night) because of the change.

people are so invested in such tiny things, i amazes me. and i am glad they are happy about the change, because i certainly am. but to hold it over us like that, holy smokes....

sin abounds...thank god grace does as well.

Ordained!!!

2005-08-30T21:18:00.000-05:00

so i am officially ordained. it was a great day, an incredible(and despite our best efforts long) service. unbeknownst to me, my dad also scheduled a baptism for the morning. which was a very appropriate and powerful baptism (close family friends etc...) but wound up adding about 25 minutes to the service.

the bishop preached a great (and a little long) sermon. the text was last weeks lectionary text and he preached on a story he had heard on NPR about a little boy in south africa with AIDS who was being interviewed. the interviewer was asking the boy about all sorts of mundane things like what he liked to eat, his favorite soccer team etc... finally, when he thought he had tired out the boy he was getting up to leave and the boy stopped him saying "wait, you haven't asked me yet about death!" from there he went on to talk about how for our witness to life and ressurection to be authentic, we must first speak of death. dying to oneself and dying to sin through god's grace given in baptism. if we jump to quickly to life and the "good stuff" we risk an empty faith that ignores the very real suffering and pain of our world.

pretty intense stuff for your ordination, but right on. if we don't face the reality of death both in our personal lives and the lives of our community members, then what do we have hope in? we just become preachers of prosperity gospel, escapism (read: left behind) and a god who really can't do anything in this world other than give us some more money or give us good "rapture ready" seats for the horror movie of all time.

when you speak of death, then you speak to the reality that we are indeed called to deny ourselves because we realize that in fact without god's grace we aren't really alive at all. again, very heady stuff for an ordination and a tall order to fill. but the good thing is, every baptized believer is called to this life, not just us "ordained" folks. so again, it isn't up to me to do it all, remember the reply is "i will and i ask god to help me." without that help, i will is pretty meaningless.

2005-08-22T16:02:00.000-05:00

in case anyone is interested, a friend of Bergie and Dinah have put up a website honoring them.

ordination this weekend, kinda anti-climatic in a way since i have been basically working as a pastor all month, but it will be a good time to celebrate with family and friends, and play a little golf.

things continue to go well, although i realized yesterday afternoon that i was utterly exhausted. basically i had been go go go for 21 days straight and after worship, and visiting a parishioner in the nursing home, about 4pm yesterday i just collapsed. we were in bed by 10pm, which is really early for us although i know moe would think that is staying up late.;-)

fly to austin (via san antonio) on friday, will be back on tuesday and then installation on the 11th of september. something of an intersting date to be installed, but i believe very appropriate. life goes on even in the midst of despair.

speaking of life going on, was just interuptted while typing as a parishioner was calling to let me know one of our members is having a really tough time. her husband was recently activated in the national guard and sent to iraq for at least 18 months. will have to call on her soon. this damn war... they have two great little kids and now she has to be a single mom. i know that we have to make sacrifices in order to maintain our security and freedom, i don't take any of that for granted. but it sure seems to me that most of the sacrificing in this war is being done by only a few people, and the worst the rest of us face is $2.80/gallon at the gas station.

out of my congregation of 600, we have 5 people serving in Iraq right now. that isn't a lot certainly, but if it were representative of our nation, we would have 2.5-3 million folks over there right now. obviously some communities, certainly blue collar (basically "redneck") folks like we have in Oconomowoc and Ixonia but also hispanic and black communities, are bearing the brunt.

ok, that was a tangent, but it just bugs me.

first baptism

2005-08-14T14:01:00.000-05:00

what a day!!! joy and sorrow all mixed together in a way i have never experienced. we had over 160 in worship this morning, which put us over 200 for the weekend, and such a great spirit in worship. it lifts us up. the baptism was a wonderful, humbling experience. to dip my hands into the water, pour it over this child's head and say the words of promise. boy, that will never get old, and if it does, i should get out of this job.

preached today on a difficult text, on inclusion and exclusion, for whom is the promise valid. tough text to preach in the wake of our churchwide assembly's voting. but i felt I had to tell the people of DMLC about the results and also urge them to remain unified. this is not a church dividing issue, those who would like to see schism for their own gain, they are against us because they want to show how weak and fragile our faith is. and when we baptize, we are reminded this faith isn't something we posses, it is something we are given and blessed to have.

i included in my sermon a bit of perspective that was brought to me this week by the loss of two dear friends and ministry partners. we will miss them so much, the church is lesser for their loss. i still haven't processed they are truly gone, how i wish i could hear bergie laugh again and borrow his KU sweatshirt on a chilly summer night in seattle. or hear dinah play the piano and sing in the LYON's muppet show.

although i held it together in the pulpit pretty well this morning(unlike last night), when i was giving communion to the community and we sang "i am the bread of life" i began to get tears in my eyes. it culminated so incredible, the organ rising on "and i will raise you up...on the last day" that all the people just stood up. so when i turned from reseting the elements on the altar for the post-communion blessing the entire community was already standing, on cue, ready, even anxious, to hear those words "the body and blood of our Lord...keep you in his grace."

when the church gets uppity about issues like sexuality and so often in doing minimizes the gravity of what we proclaim, it is sad that it takes the loss of such incredible people to bring us back to perspective.

we are so blessed to be part of this communion of faith, to testify to the incredible grace god has given us. we don't have to claw after the scraps like dogs, we have a place at the table, for all time...bread and wine, food for life.

Many moons

2005-08-12T13:03:00.000-05:00

have past since my last post. i have been replying to others, but haven't felt the time or the need to post something new. however, now that i have to write a sermon for service tomorrow(sat) evening service, all of a sudden i feel like i have all the time in the world to post a blog.

this is a tough text to get through in 10 minutes i feel. the good news is so there, yet it is hide by all the talk about uncleanliness and dogs and all sorts of distractions. how to get through to the message in those distractions is proving to be something of a challenge for me, especially when i can already feel the distractions of ministry pulling at me.

have been to the hospital 5 times this week(2 diff. hospitals), visited in several of my parishioners homes and almost daily another issue rears its head. heck, my office is still in boxes on the floor.

as chad so wisely stated in his blog(which i don't have a link to right now) it is amazing how many questions we are expected to answer right away. this whole, listening and reading the audience stuff that we talk about in seminary, takes real work because so many folks expect real leadership to be the kind that pushes all the answers through. staff meetings are another learning experience, how to move them beyond complaining and gossip, i have been looking to cladis for some wisdom, but along with everything else...

so back to the text, justin makes a great point in a comment to leland about the rules. i still think that jesus is in the rules at this point of the text, his rules are that his mission is to the lost sheep of israel. yet this women is in need and doesn't care about the rules, she doesn't care about keeping things straight, she just wants her daughter to be healed. the rules are blown apart, even jesus' rules. is it possible to say that jesus learns something from her?(maybe i won't go there with this parish yet, seeing as how they haven't had enough time to really get to know me.)

will try to blog more faithfully. obviously the reality of being in a parish changes my ability to blog openly. already i feel concern that i be careful with what i say. yet i really appreciate this little community we have and hope it keeps blogging.

Moving

2005-07-22T16:43:00.000-05:00

two posts in less than 3 days? i must be out of my mind.

helped justin move out yesterday, he is on the road to traverse as i write. of course he picked one of the hottest days of the year to move out...but at least he got us lots of pizza and beer. with everything happening with call and k's grandpa dying, we didn't get a chance to write in the book leland made for him. i wish we had as he has been a really good friend these past couple years, especially this year, and i am sad we won't get the chance to hang out more.

as you realize when people move or, in grandpa's case die, that you always take for granted the time you have with folks. we think we have so long, and then it is time to move on.

on moving, we move in about a week. have all the arrangements made with the moving company, recieved a bunch of bulletins and council meeting minutes from my future home. we even have an apartment. wow!!! so exciting yet again, moving. new friends to meet and lots of work to do. k has a call!!! so we will actually have jobs and an income and maybe even a house sooner rather than later.

i am getting pretty nervous about starting work. always do, with every job i have ever had, or school i have started. wonder if i am cut out for the task at hand. honestly i am called to this task i know, but the logistics of working it out are going to take a lot of learning. the slope will be really high these next couple years.

Great News

2005-07-20T21:02:00.000-05:00

the congregation in oconomowoc has voted to approve the council's recommendation that i be their new pastor. so we will be moving. my new parish is Dr. Martin Luther Church in oconomowoc, wi and k and i are really excited about moving very soon.

ordination is scheduled for aug.28th at my home parish in austin. looking forward to that day as well.

justin is moving tomorrow, the continuation of the scattering of us all to many places. going to a saints game on monday night as a last hurray of the tuesday night grilling group. tim has a call pending and it looks good for k. so hopefully leland will find something soon, or more to the point, hopefully the church will sometime soon allow him some freedom in looking outside of where they want to put him, rather than where he is called to be.

so much to do, have to pack up our little apartment. we have a lot of stuff for such a little place. have a 6 month lease on an apartment near oconomowoc, hopefully to encourage us to get a home soon after we get there. i am ready not to be moving for a while.

pondering

2005-06-28T17:38:00.000-05:00

my friend moe was writing about boxes and how we spend so much of our lives in them. the box of our car, our cube, etc...

that got me thinking about big box retailing (of course because i always take it to the extreme) and how so many of our church growth techniques are outgrowths of this trend in retail. these are the best and the brightest, most efficient disciple making machines...yet the number of christians in most of america continues to decline in relation to the growth in population.

so are these big box christian factories actually making new disciples? or are they simple more efficient at capturing a shrinking christian market than the small churches, just as the big box retailers capture the market for cheap clothes, toys, electronics etc... from the small main street stores?

things i think about on a tuesday when i should be working...

at long last

2005-06-23T23:22:00.000-05:00

a new post from me. not much to say although lots has happened. july 17th will be a big day, may have a job in wisconsin ultimately. lots to do before then, lots can happen before then, but i am already planning on being a badger fan. on wisconsin and all that...

k, since she calls me e, i will call her k, had her class reunion last weekend which i found to be a fascinating occasion and not nearly as bad as she did. at least they had good chicken.;-)

and we watched most of the movie saved, that was freaky wierd. way too close to many folks i know.

not getting any better

2005-04-29T13:00:00.000-05:00

so i continue to get worse in my blogging. lots going on these days, have a phone "conversation" with a potential congregation on monday. will be interesting to see how that goes. i think they are a bit concerned that i am too young. but i think in conversation we might be able to come to something, we shall see. i am definantly frusterated with the slowness of the process.

have just about two weeks to finish up everything for my classes which is happening waaay too fast. gotta get to it.

bad blogger

2005-04-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

i am a bad blogger, i cannot get myself to post regularly even though i have all these random thoughts i think should be written down. yet i don't type them out.

anyways, have had a good/frustrating/wonderful/boring/fascinating week. wrote a paper for an old testament competition here at the semianry for seniors. have no idea if my paper is worth the paper it is printed on, or the ink that makes up my thoughts, but it is there for the taking. perhaps i should post it on the blog. maybe the would get some responses. of course you have to wonder if you really want reponses to it.

went to a conference this last week where a lutheran megachurch pastor spoke about having a kairos moment. kairos is one of two greek words for time, the first being chronos which is what we normally think of as time, and kairos which is a more fluid sense, something that happens in a moment in time. he had his kairos moment in the wake of a heart attack and realized that god was calling him to something different, part of which is actively serving the poor.

i really appreciate this move he has made, yet i wonder why it took him so long to realize that god , and especially god in jesus, spend a lot more time talking about money issues than they ever spent talking about sex etc... rick warren, purpose driven life man himself, is apparently also having this conversion as well.

so not to be cynical, but all y'all out there who read their books and get excited about doing something about the poor. GREAT!!! here is a wonderful organization for you to support. lutheran world relief does incredible work and a huge majority, much better than most, of the money given to them goes directly to aid. this isn't one of those tv preacher type organizations, or even one of those "tsunami relief" groups that has sprung up recently. lwr has been in the business for a long time and is doing great work.

ok, off the soap box, gotta go home.

another week

2005-04-04T11:50:00.000-05:00

so another week has slipped by. still no word from the synod as to potential congregations.

life here is in standstill and yet about to accelerate at alarming speed. lots to do before graduation, yet all i can think about is graduation, going to greece and having a call. an interview would be good, or at least some real conversation about calls.

john paul ii died last saturday. a good man and leader, although very different theology on many issues, his commitment to justice, and not retributive justice, will be missed.

time slips by

2005-03-28T16:58:00.000-06:00

how quickly time can slip by on you. forgive me blogger, it has been 18 days since my last post...

well the last two weeks have seen two trips.
1) philly, baltimore and d.c.: all went well, had a great time at my friend's wedding, got to see good friends in d.c. and baltimore and then all hell broke loose on the way home. needless to say, northwest airlines is getting a very angry letter full of righteous indignation for the way we were treated by them when their plane broke. but the trip otherwise was so great, that i won't let it ruin the experience.

2) iowa for easter: a good trip, went down on friday for church and family time. always relaxing the be in iowa with kendi's family, but also a little tougher this year due to the realities of aging grandparents. although i have been through this with my grandparents, who have all died many years ago, and so i have been on this emotional rollercoaster before. it is worth it because it is great to have added on three grandparents since we got married. a definant bonus to have them in my life.

hopefully will hear more from the bishop this week re: call process.

what a difference a week makes

2005-03-11T20:49:00.000-06:00

a week ago we were still waiting to hear and today we met our new bishop, paul stumme-diers. he seems like a great guy and a good bishop. he had some ideas for us of places we might serve and was really positive. just a great 1.5 hours of talk about the synod, himself and his family and ourselves. i think this, although unexpected, is truly the work of the spirit.

if you are interested. you can check out the greater milwaukee synod online.

Other Blog

2005-03-07T14:17:00.000-06:00

for anyone interested in hearing more of my thoughts(and those of many others, which may make it more attractive) i am also a part of another blog, pomology, that is part of an independent study class on postmodern worship and church culture. so that is another place i am participating in a conversation with about 8 others from luther seminary who are thinking about many of the same issues.

today we are having a conversation about multi-cultural churches, even how bringing two churches that have an (assumed) similar culture can be difficult. the synod to which we have been assigned, greater milwaukee, states as one of its core value's is working in anti-racism. what a difficult task. a worthy goal, but honestly given my experience i wonder if it is really possible. i grew up in a very multi-racial part of austin, tx and experienced racism from both sides of the conversation. and when it comes to church, i haven't met many folks, of any race, that choose to go to church with those who are different than themselves.

i don't want to sound fatalistic about the attempt to become a non-racist church. i think it is worth the effort and know many people engaged very sincerely in the attempt. but at a time when the church is faced with so many issues, i am not sure how much energy i have for this one issue. partially i think it is because i am not sure what the actual goal of the process is? the few multi-racial communities of faith i do know, tend not to talk about it so much as they do it. maybe that is just the x-er in me coming out. but talking (and blogging? don't forget the log in my own eye:Matt7 or Luke 6) seems to often just be a way of stalling.

And the winner is...

2005-03-04T22:18:00.000-06:00

Milwaukee!?!?!?

totally not on our radar screen, but how cool it is...the land of beer(www.millerbrewing.com), brats (http://www.bratwurstpages.com/brats.html), cheese (http://www.wischeesemakersassn.org/) and a football team which shall remain nameless...

Still Waiting

2005-03-04T16:47:00.000-06:00

so pretty much everyone in the same region as kendi and i know which synod they are going to, and yet we wait. i am thankful that we have not gotten a very early phone call with news that could be considered "bad" or at the least "disapointing." i am not overly concerned about where it is we are going, but i do worry that this is a bad omen for the speed at which things are done in the synod to which we are called. one friend today told me his bishop called immediately after the meeting because, as he said " i remember how anxious i was that day i got assigned."

well, i know i will remember this for a long time. and i hope whichever bishop is calling us is doing his/her best to get in touch with us. it is hard to wait, but i trust the spirit has something great in mind for us.

still waiting...

Post the Second

2005-03-03T20:12:00.000-06:00

ok, so i am not going to call all my posts by this name, but right now i am not feeling terribly creative. today is the day we should hear from a bishop of the synod that we have been assigned to, and we are still waiting.

some of my friends have already gotten their news. some good, some with a worst case scenario. i just pray that the church really is being led by the spirit in this process. but with some of the results i have seen this year, it feels like certain political favors are being repaid more than we are looking to match people with places they can succeed.

on another note, i wrote a paper for my buddism and the chrisitan class today reflecting on how the buddist concept of suffering(dukkhasatya) might relate to the christian doctrine of original sin. my feelings are that while there is some considerable crossover, in the end dukkhasatya is not a doctrine of original sin because it is something that in the end we are able to eliminate from our lives but right thinking or living. as a christian, i believe that sin is only something that can be taken away by christ and being joined to christ in baptism. but it is sure interesting to think about.

hoping the phone will ring with good news. praying for those who haven't gotten good news today....

Post the First

2005-02-28T22:00:00.000-06:00

so here it goes, my very first post on my own blog. an early adapter i am not.

since it took me so long to get to the point of writing a blog, i guess that i should say something deep or at least relatively "orderly" to get this blog going. that would certainly be appropriate given the name of my blog, diegesis, which is a greek word meaning "narrative," or "orderly account"(hence the url of this blog, i would have used narrative.blogspot.com, but it was already taken).

so let see what i have...

this word appears, by my count, only once in the new testament, in luke 1:1. here the author, or authors of luke(depending on your willingness to accept historical criticism you may take issue with this), outline the goal of the gospel text, to give a narrative or orderly account to his friend theophilis of the story surrounding the man jesus of nazereth.

so in that spirit i hope and plan that this blog will be, if not orderly, at least an occasional public account of my story and the various stories in which i find myself a character. these stories neccesarily, perhaps as a result of my profession but i prefer to think of it as the work of the spirit, take on a religious significance for me.

i have come to realize (certainly no revelation to many) that truly the only way to understand who we are and what we are doing on this planet is to be able to place ourselves in some sort of narrative, a story. the story of our lives and also the stories of the people we are related too(either by choice or not), those we love, those we hurt and are hurt by, the people we intersect with only once or twice in a lifetime, and ultimately in god's incredible story of creation and redemption.

if we aren't a part of all of these stories, and especially god's story, it just doesn't make sense to me at all. perhaps some might find that a crutch, a weakness, an inability to accept that there is no greater purpose or being. but i find that it is only in that story, which luke and others have handed down to us, that we can truly live for one another in their narrative. that seeing what god has done for us (and since it is the season of the church that we call lent, when we focus our attention on the cross and the coming of good friday, i am more in tune with this today than many days) we can then live in freedom for all those brothers and sisters who we find in our story.

so this will be a public accounting of my story. as i work through going to class, visiting other churches, preparing to be assigned to a synod and ultimately called to a church, and live as a husband, son and friend.

a lofty goal set. how to do this in a public forum such as a blog both intriges and intimidates me. what one can and cannot (and will or will not) say when you don't know who might be the reader will be interesting to find out. i am eager to know.